25 Things Blah Blah, etc.

Let's get this over with...

24) I had a huge crush on Mario (as in Super Mario) as a child. Weird, I know. Then I had a crush on Ringo Starr from the Beatles, and Mike Nesmith from the Monkees in my junior high years; and let's not forget Rex Harrison from My Fair Lady, etc. And then I grew up. :)

25) I like to read. I'm all about Jane Austen, Charlotte Bronte, Elizabeth Gaskell, etc. I love literature from the 1800's that is clean and portrays a great moral message. Plus, I like the clean romance. I'm a romantic on the inside, but which girl isn't?

There, I'm done. Sheesh. I'm ready to just WRITE about whatever.

So this post really has no purpose other than to be used to record thoughts out of my head. I'm just sitting here on my lunch break, feeling as if I am looking at the horizon or a pinnacle of a mountain. I have no idea what lies ahead for Niklas and me in anything. It's amazing to me to think that he will be staring his last year in school this fall, and graduate (fingers crossed!) by July 2011. That means he has to start preparing to apply to different graduate schools. Is that possible?? Have I really been in Idaho for over 2 years since we married? Where did all that time go? And where are we going to end up? Idaho, or somewhere else?

And I'll be graduating with my online Master's degree in Accounting in May 2011. Since the time I had started my college classes I had no idea why I was pursuing a Master's degree. Sounds foolish, right? All I knew was that I had this crazy-strong desire to go back to school, and that desire was non-existent after graduating with my Bachelor's degree. So a couple days ago I was in an employee evaluation meeting with my boss and he tells me he thinks I should become a CPA. And suddenly the stars aligned: he's right. I had NO desire to take that track; and suddenly it hit me that that's the right way to go, that is why I was given the desire to get my Master's degree. Pretty simple, right? I had already figured from the start that that was why I was getting this second degree, and I didn't like it. But I was pursuing the Master's anyway since I felt it was right. However, in gist, I have had no desire to become a CPA because I am not a career person and want, more than anything, to be a full-time mother. But after that meeting a desire was kindled in me, and I know it wasn't from me. It is going to be a hard, long road, but I am determined and know I'll recieve help since it is the right track. I know that anything that will allow me to do some work from my own home to help our little family out financially in the long-run will be beneficial. So...wish me luck.

Also, I realized while I had all of this running in my mind that my attitude about life isn't always so good. I figured once my Master's degree was over, then I could relax = be happier since I would have less on my plate. But obviously the CPA thing has changed that. And add the fact that children will be had in time (no, I'm not pregnant, just saying). So that basically means that my life will be forever busy. There is not going to be a time where I will have nothing to worry about, less responsibilities. It's always going to be this way! Then why am I not choosing to be happy now and enjoy the present? It's not that I've been unhappy per se, but I've wanted to move on with life in so many ways when I can't yet. Instead of looking at it as a burden, I've needed to see and realize that each day is a gift from God. And who am I tell Him that it isn't enough? That it isn't fulfilling? I read this article in the March 2010 Ensign that hit home for me: we should not only endure our time here on earth; but endure it well and find joy in all that we undertake. And I know that to be true with all my heart. Cheers for the time we have here now to learn and grow each and every day!

25 Things About Me, #20-23

Bet you thought I was never going to post again, huh? Well, once a new college class starts, life gets nice and busy for me. So onward until the end...

20) I'm a brat wife. I used to think that I would make some lucky guy (ha ha) the perfect wife with my sweetness, and now I find that nothing brings me more glee than sticking my icy cold fingers on my husband who is a heat bomb. My favorite place to torture with my iciness is his bare stomach because he winces, cries out, and then makes a pouty face in defeat each time. I mean, what kind of sick, sadistic person would do that? Me, it turns out. But don't feel too bad for Niklas: he loves to mess with/tease people, especially me. He loves pranks. Thus, I am simply providing balance to the universe. (Love you, Hon'!)

21) I fear back fat. You know what I'm talking about: the nice, plump rolls that appear on your upper back after you put your bra on (obviously a female thing). Only few enjoy the company of these rolls, and I happen to be susceptible....mostly because I love anything chocolate, especially ice cream; but that's beside the point. Life goes on for my back---it's just slowly creating a comfortable cushion for the piggy back rides I'll give to my future children.

22) I'm more of a "touching" person, although I can easily keep my hands to myself. I love getting/giving hugs, Niklas holding me, someone playing with my hair, etc. I enjoy the affection/love that is expressed in such simple gestures.

23) I find humor in others' ventings of frustration. I realize that this sounds completely insensitive and horrible; but I'm talking about the smaller, everyday annoyances and/or frustrations. Don't ask me why I'm this way. Maybe because I get SOO irritated at times, especially at inanimate objects that I will talk to with a stern, acidic voice and be rough with (as if that will make it change its ways). But outside of the situation, you can see how comical it really is.

Oh, look at the time---time to work! Hooray it's Friday.

25 Things About Me Cont'd, #12 -19

(Random pic from my oldest sister's wedding day, December 2007.)

Okay, I am determined to finish my list here; it will just take me a while since I only have desire to post on my lunch breaks (funny how that works).

12) At the time of writing #3, I really didn't have any cavities...until last week. It finally happened: I have 2 fillings I have to get done next week. It is such a bummer after having a perfect track record! And I have no idea what to expect except unpleasantness. Ick.

13) I love nature. I've always loved looking at the landscape on car trips and contemplating life, etc. I love how it feels to be among God's creations which are so beautiful. My mom has a major green thumb and created the most wonderful gardens at home in WA. I want to have my own garden someday. I often have this longing deep down to find a "thinking spot" in nature for myself. I have not found one yet, but maybe I will be able to create it someday. And although I pretty much love all flowers, I find daffodils very cute and charming. They make me smile. (Below are pictures from my parent's home--except for the daffodil.)

14) I wanted a pen-pal from another place really bad when I was younger (grade school and on). Every time I tried to get one through the schools it never worked out. I loved to write in general, and wanted to know what another's life in a different part of the world was like in comparison to my own.

15) I think about lots of things at a given time, but I have very linear thinking when it comes to tasks and eating. I like to work on one task at a time before moving onto the next. But I am getting better at moving on to another task even though the first one may not be completed. I also have this weird habit sometimes of eating one food at a time on my plate until it's gone. This isn't always the case, but it happens often enough that I notice. I think it's because I'm enjoying the flavor of that one particular food at that time and I don't want to ruin the effect by dipping into another before it's over. :P I believe my mom is also this way.

16) I jumped off a highway (?) bridge during the summer of my freshman year in college--everybody was doing it. ;) I jumped it twice and was freaked both times. During the second jump I recieved a skinned knee from not clearing the bridge wall and even did a butt flop on the water below that gave me a splash-shaped bruise. It wasn't one of my brighter moments.

17) I ran a half-marathon in Utah last summer with a friend, 13.1 miles. It was hard training for me and even though I'm dealing with a knee that isn't completely normal yet, I'm really glad I did it at least once. The adrenaline rush was awesome during the last half mile. :) I like to run and hope I can do it more in the future (though no more races).

18) I love people. You might not think so with how shy I can be at times, but I really find everyone interesting. I love learning about people's lives and what they have been through that has shaped them into who they are today. I feel so good when people open up their life experiences and struggles to me; I like understanding them better. I've had great conversations with total strangers in a hospital, on airplanes, in the airport, etc. I find that I am in awe of so many that have been through hard times and are still so happy. I learn so much from other's experiences.

19) My favorite color of all time is purple. It is soo pretty. My current work office has little bits of purple throughout it. I had a purple-themed bedroom in Colorado along with a purple purse. I used to have lots of purple clothes. I also used to have a purple-covered couch that my now-husband said looked like a Barney couch (I'm sitting on it in a pic from my last post). So the cover was banished to the closet... Someday my purple fettish will prevail and find expression...somewhere.

Looks like that's all there's time for today!

Reaches my Reaching

So this post is not a continuation of the 25 Things About Me...just a regular post. Sorry to dissappoint, but you still get to know me from my narratives, remember?

Yesterday I logged in to my gmail account online and for whatever reason, decided to see how far back my emails went. All the way back to August 2006. And next thing I knew, I was hooked on reading about my life at that time through emails. It's amazing how much you forget about your experiences from recently past years.


Basically my life was all fun during the fall of 2006. I was doing an internship at Lockheed Martin in Colorado, had introduced the Gospel to a guy at work that I was dating, and was planning on marrying this person the next year. When I was reading the emails, I remembered the happiness and silliness from that time.


Then 2007 emails hit. It was almost astonishing reading the emails from one month to the next and realizing how fast everything went downhill; in a matter of a month. Suddenly my fun emails turned to pain-filled emotional ones, and a remembrance of that pain came back. Being broken up with with no explanation; seeing this person I thought I was going to marry turn his back on the Gospel; having to work with this person each and every day who ignored and even despised my very existence. I remembered that feeling of a physical hole in my heart and the loss. It was awful, which is an understatement.


I continued to sift through emails, through the summer of 2007. Soon they were filled with more hope, less sorrow and irritation. Suddenly another person showed up in my life, someone who had been special to me years before in high school. It started out friendly, and once again, disappointment and sadness hit. I saw everyone struggling around me and it weighed heavily on me. I kept reaching out for friendship and always got my hand slapped. I don't think I was reaching out in the right way. Relationships with loved ones were and became more difficult.


And then I saw that I was emailing my oldest sister a lot. We were talking about life, about the Gospel and church, about feelings about the future. It meant and still means so much to me. She came to Colorado to go with me to a pioneer trek and it was an amazing and fun experience to have her there with me during that time in my life.

Then the fall of 2007 hit. My mom came next to visit me in Colorado, wanted to see family landmarks while she was there. I remembered having decided at that time that I was done with dating--it hurt too bad and it wasn't what I wanted my life to center around. I wasn't very happy, so I told Heavenly Father that I was going to focus on Him and be good, and that was all that would matter.


I was grumpy during my mom's visit (sorry Mom). I was tired one day, and it happened to be on the day that we were heading to visit Erie, the Garden of the Gods, and then a friend of my mom's who lived in Colorado Springs.







Eventually when we got to Colorado Springs, I was done. It was 8 p.m., I didn't care to be there just because it had been a long day and I knew this wouldn't be a short trip. We were there until the very early hours. And it turns out I was loving it. I had never laughed so hard in my life than during that night. And yes, these are pictures from that night--at 3:30 a.m.! We ended up spending the night because it was so ridiculously late.









I kept reading through emails between my then-engaged oldest sister and my mom; I loved being with this family on the weekends. It was a breath of fresh air to be around them when I had been feeling so alone and weary emotionally; and next thing I knew I was falling hard for someone. Little did I know that Heavenly Father had been preparing me for one of my greatest blessings in this life: my husband. Wow, it was amazing reading my emails about Niklas. It was so funny and so sweet. I had that high from being in love with a wonderful man.

After reading this little snippet in my life, I realized that God had been there guiding my life the whole time. I didn't realize how much He was there supporting me, giving me those hard experiences to influence and to grow. Grudges and emotional battles I had been praying about have been lifted in abundance, without me even realizing it. I couldn't believe how much I had grown from those experiences. I caught a glimpse of how Heavenly Father sees me: a daughter who is learning and striving, not a mistake-ridden ball of insecurity as I would often see myself. I really felt His love for me and gratitude filled my whole soul.

I just had to share. It made me realize I need to save all of these emails; the good, the bad, the ugly for myself. I learned so much from my past; and I know you can too. :)

Mmmmm...

What happens when you put chocolate chip oatmeal cookies of massive proportions in close proximity to a Starving Karen?

Happy Retirement Day, Dad!

I can't believe you're finally retired as of today, Dad! Thank you for supporting all of us throughout our lives. I love how hardworking and service-oriented you are, and I hope to live up to your example. I am so grateful to have you for my father here on earth. I hope you find joy in your retirement, and I look forward to many more cherished talks and memories with you. Thank you for all that you've done for me (which is so, so much). I love you, Dad!

25 Things About Me, #8-11

So of course I did homework during most of my lunch break and now I am trying to scarf down the rest of my lunch before my break is up. Anyway, moving on...

8) I prefer cats over dogs. When I was in kindergarten, my mom found a pregnant stray female cat around our area and tamed her. She gave birth to 3 kittens who were loved for years (they are all now passed on). My favorite kitten was Tawny, who I remember calling, "The One With the Orange Spot on Her Head." She was a nervous-tempered cat---but she was also so sweet. I really loved her. And random: I loved cats so much when I was little that I actually kissed a stray one's face that was on our deck one time. Of course the cat clawed my face, and I got an infection under my right eye that was a little serious for a while. I think I have a scar from it still (unless it's a chicken pox mark under my eye I'm seeing). (By the way, the orange cat was another addition to our family soon after the kittens were born, NOT the mother cat. :) )

9) I have to have plans to feel secure. I can't live life by the seat of my pants. I have to know what's going on and what to expect; to the best of my ability, anyway. If I don't get enough information from others for what I need to plan, I get stressed and irritated (Niklas will attest full-heartedly). I actually get anxiety if there is no plan for big life decisions or events that affect me. Niklas says it's a controlling issue; I call it a passion for preparedness.

10) I broke my younger sister's (Lynda's) arm. I had a brilliant idea during my grade school years that my sister and I should bungy-cord our bikes together, mine in front of hers, and ride around the neighborhood. Let's just say it ended with my sister crashing from the sporadic pulling movements. When she said her arm hurt after, I told her to put it into a mud puddle to make it feel better (don't ask me where the logic was in that). Later, I found out from my not-happy parents that her arm was broken. Whoops...sorry.

11) I made my oldest sister (Kristine) crash on her bike while we were riding together (doing a paper route?) by poking her in the butt with a stick. Once again, don't ask me where the logic came in this. She ended up going out of control from surprise and wrecked her bike. I think it took me a while to figure out that my bright ideas really weren't that great. Once again, oops...sorry.

That's all for today. Isn't this fun? ;)

25 Things About Me...To Be Cont'd!

My boss came in a few minutes ago and said he had a gift for me:

Yes, it's a pile of pistachio shells. Whoo-hoo. For all I know he could have been slobbering all over them before plopping them on my workpapers. My boss is one generous man.

Anyway, that's not what I am focusing on for this post. A few of my family members did a "25 Things About Me" list a long time ago, and I want to do one also. Of course, all 25 things won't be in one post since I only have 30 min. left of lunch break. (Yes, I should be doing homework but what's wrong with a little distraction?)

1) I absolutely love chocolate. This a "duh" one for most, but hey, for those who don't know, now you do. I don't know when this crazy craving entered my life, but ever since I remember it's been my #1 weakness in the food department. (Hey, it comes from a bean--it's food.) I'm one of those who will eat chocolate cake and cookies for breakfast and/or dinner if they are around. I just can't get enough.

2) I still blush really easily, and half the time I don't even know why. I thought this trait would go away by the time I was this age, but no, it's apparently around for life. It wouldn't bother me so much if it didn't happen ALL THE TIME at work. I blush even more when I realize I'm blushing for no reason, which only compounds my embarrassment. I can blush at simply a co-worker talking to me about work-related stuff. I blame my inward shyness that has never gone away. Some say it's cute; I find it mortifying.

(Notice the blushing cheeks, even at 3 years old!)

3) I have bad eye sight (thus the contacts), but I've never had a cavity in my life. I never had any wisdom teeth come in either--maybe that's a bad thing. :P

4) I have lots of insecurities that mostly evolve around self-consciousness and body image. I'll give you a self-expanatory picture:



Yes, I'm the one with window-panes on my face, as Niklas likes to call them. I remember not being self-conscious when I was really little, but like every other kid, I was made fun of at school, and never had a ton of friends because I was so shy. I'm still working on these self-image issues, but it bothers me that the past still affects me so much.

5) I got into a fender-bender when I was in high school. My then-boyfriend was making fun of my driving, jerking forward each time I put my foot on the brake (although I wasn't braking hard at all). We were sitting in a crawling line waiting for our turn to get onto the Bangor military base in WA. I decided to show him what it felt like when I really did brake hard. So I did---except that I hit the wrong pedal. I smashed into the car in front of us, which happily consisted of parents and their two little children. I felt HORRIBLE, and was bawling while the parents both yelled at me in anger. The protective bubble I always felt around any car quickly burst.

6) I have a reactive personality, which means that I get teased. A lot. This is usually okay, since I realize it's all in good fun, but somedays I'm really not in the mood and just want a break from it all. You would too!

7) I love music and to sing. I hated opera and classical music as a kid and now I love it all! I also like the Beatles and other oldies, plus different selections of modern music. I wish I could play the piano, but cannot; and I wish that I had the guts to take voice lessons. Regardless, I was always singing around the house as a child up until I left home for college (in which time my mom told me she missed it). Years ago, when I was in Young Women's at church, I had to have my mom share a story about me. The one she chose was a day that she had been sick in bed when I was in grade school. After getting home from school, I came into her room and told her that I had learned a new song that I wanted to sing for her (which I did). Although I don't remember doing this or what song it was, it really touched my mom.

That's all I have time for today!

Niklas and his Man-Crushes

Yesterday was an awesome day; actually, every Sunday seems to be an awesome day. I used to hate Sundays as a kid because it meant no playing outside all day, wearing a dress, and then sitting in church for three hours where I was bored to death. By junior high this mentality turned around and I now love, love, love the Sabbath day.

Since it is General Conference on the first Sunday of April, yesterday was a fast Sunday. I admit, I never look forward to fast Sundays; and then I'm always pleasantly surprised despite my protesting stomach at the increased spirit I feel when I'm in the church meetings. So then I realize what a murmerer I am. {:B

To give some background information before I give my little story: Niklas was called to be the Ward Clerk in a single's ward on campus, and I was called to teach Temple Prep in th same ward. So each Sunday we attend with the singles and sit in the back of the chapel during Sacrament Meeting by ourselves. (Because being married means you have a plague, I guess. ;) ) I hadn't gone up to bear my testimony in a long time, simply because I hadn't felt the need to do it, and I also didn't want to take up the single folks' time. But inevitably, as it was the last Sunday that the ward would meet before the Spring semester, my heart started beating fast, I was getting nervous---and I knew it meant I had to get up. So I did. And eventually I was the last one on the stand waiting to speak. My turn came, I spoke as much as I could (emotions always get the best of me nowadays), and then as I stepped down there was a row of people coming up. And Niklas was one of them.

When it was Niklas' turn at the microphone, he began by saying that he had already exposed his "nerdom" to the ward, so he mentioned that he was learning a lot of things from this Themes in Literature class he's taking about....super heroes. He brings up that he got to dress up as Superman this last week for the class, etc. Next thing, he says that he has a Superman comic book from the class that he wants to read an excerpt from because it reveals how Superman was like a type of Jesus Christ. Everyone has been laughing quietly, and I see in front of me, slowly turning his head, one of the guys in the ward who had attended my Temple Prep class this semester. And he gives me this look while grinning from ear-to-ear as if to say, "Is he serious?" And I just nod my head, grinning back to communicate, "OH yes." I mean, Nikas is the guy who likens the Gospel to Star Wars and brings his interests (more like obsessions) into his lessons when he teaches at church (though he's not the first to come up with that). All in all, Niklas likes to entertain people, and he is really taken with super heroes because of what they stand for, so I wasn't that surprised. He eventually bore his testimony which did make me feel relieved because I started worrying whether he was going to just go off about the comic book. :P

Anyway, the rest of Sunday was nice. A gal told me that she missed my class (it's over as of last Sunday until next semester), and then we were invited to dinner by our friends the Beck's who we hadn't hung out with in so long. And then...we watched "New Moon." I don't normally watch movies on Sundays, but I did so since we were with friends and we all hadn't seen it. There was a peanut gallery going on while watching it, and then Niklas and I analyzed it and the books afterwards. I'm not a Twilight fan; I liked it for a bit and then it just died. I wanted to like it, but it was just too physical and dramatic for me. But what cracks me up is that Niklas always complains about it and the girls who swoon over it; and yet, he is so intrigued by the whole wolverine and vampire "culture" in the books. As much as he complains, I saw him engrossed in a "New Moon" interview clip on a TV at WalMart while I was picking up some sewing thread. ;)

And side note, the weather is warming up! We had a beautiful Saturday and I told Niklas we had to go outside otherwise it would be such a waste of a day. So we went to Porter Park and threw a frisbee back and forth for a while. It was a lot of fun just being outside, but my arm hurts now. How pathetic is that?! :P

Happy Easter to all!!

America, America...

I was just reading my sister's live journal comments regarding the healthcare bill that had been passed...and while I'm not crazy about politics (although I like hearing people's opinions--kind of paradoxal), it's always sad to me how mean people choose to be to each other when sharing differing political views. What's the point in getting nasty if someone doesn't agree with you?

I happen to be married to my, almost, complete opposite. As you can imagine, there are LOTS of things that we don't agree on. And I do get heated about certain things---just ask Niklas. ;) But I've been learning that that doesn't mean I have to likewise take on a nasty tone or attitude with him just because he sees things differently. (And vice versa--we are both still learning this. :P) Everyone is entitled to their opinion, but that doesn't mean that others have to agree with you. So in short, all I'm saying is that show courtesy to others despite how they feel on a given subject. Hostility and poking fun at others has become acceptable behavior in the world and I don't see it doing anything good for anyone.

To add to that, I'm finding that I'm having a hard time in general feeling proud of our society, which has skewed priorities and morality as time has gone on. Sometimes it seems that the silliest things are fought and debated over, causing media-drama when in reality its not a life-or-death issue. I think we've lost the vision that the founding fathers had of what America was to be. Government itself is not the enemy, as many citizens have had a hand in shaping it to the way it is now. Among other things, I see America suffering from selfishness, levity, and greed. And all of us, me included, have these struggles to a degree. But I guess instead of me and others complaining about all the woes, we should instead focus on doing our part to make it a better place for everybody, and focus on the good. (Easier said than done, I realize, but it would make such a difference.) So despite my frustrations and its faults, I am glad that I live in America.

"Ode" to Utah

Congrats, Utah. You've just earned an all-time low score in my book. So many people have told me for years how superficial you are by their opinions and experiences, and I've always tried to give you the benefit of the doubt, saying that there are still good people there...somewhere. Disregard the lip-suction billboards that I haven't seen anywhere else; or the tales of young folks getting married in Vegas (to make it legit & moral, of course) just to have sex and then get a divorce shortly thereafter; or even the fact that my sister who lived there said she felt like she was doing something wrong going out in public without makeup on (the horror!).

But FP?? I had never heard of this term until I read my brother-in-law's cousin's blog (which I love; I'm a total blog stalker) about it. Fat Potential. And the fact that some guys actually take this into account when dating girls. Perhaps it's all a joke...but I really doubt it given the history.

All I have to say is this: I VOW that I will raise my boys better. If they even go off on how someone looks in a superficial way I will (theoretically) smack them in the head. Of all the guys out there to be so shallow, how did it end up being the LDS ones?? Someone care to explain it to me? Cause last time I checked, our religion teaches to follow the example of Christ, who looked in the heart of people and not just judge by their shell. Amazing.

I felt for a long time that I should have gone to BYU instead of BYU-I, simply because it had the reputation of being a better school. But after years of hearing how it really is and seeing it for myself, I am so glad I went to little ol' BYU-I. I would have wanted to shrivel up and die to be subjected to such a population of super-model/Barbie wannabes.

I still have hope that there are some genuine, non-shallow folks in Utah. But I am slowly losing faith. And I'm sure I'll feel bad about posting this later; but I can't hold it in right now. ARGH!!

Uh...Okay....

You know your husband is really obsessed with Star Wars when you actually dream that Storm Troopers are swarming around your parents' home to raid it.

A Bit of This and That

So I'm sitting here on our couch waiting to leave for church...and have about 40 minutes. I have nothing exciting to report, just writing for the sake of writing.

Because some may be wondering, Niklas hasn't had any other heart episodes since his second catheter ablation done on his heart Dec. 1, 2009. We will fully believe it is gone once a few more months to a year have gone by, but I for one am feeling pretty positive about it all. Unfortunately, Niklas has been suffering from some severe headaches frequently and upset stomach since the second surgery. I tell him he should get himself into a doctor soon to see if anything is up. And something else unexpected: he actually is mentioning that he should probably get his eyes tested since his vision isn't as clear as it used to be. Talk about a shock to me! He's always been the one talking about having 20/20 vision which I have always been envious of since I was born with bad vision (wear contacts). Plus he has some cavities he needs to get filled...looks like lots of doctor appointments in his future. :)

All in all, things are going well on our end. I am still working in Idaho Falls and doing my online Master's program (will graduate May 2011) while Niklas continues to work towards his undergraduate degree in English. We were thinking of moving out of our apartment recently for a change in scenery, but after looking at a very humble basement apartment yesterday...we changed our minds. I don't mind staying put in our apt. for another year+ simply because the thought of moving while being in school makes me a bit stressed.

And one of our very small dilemmas: we've been thinking of getting a new digital camera with some of our tax return money this year, but have no idea what kind. Probably not an SLR since I am no photographer, but we want something that can take nice pictures and some video to capture memories. We'll be scanning the cameras at Best Buy this weekend to see what is out there along with some much-needed grocery shopping. If anyone has any recommendations, please let me know.

And that's our life right now: plugging away at work, school, and accumulating some savings. It would be an understatement for me to say that I am looking forward to having a family someday. It seems like everyone is having babies (well, mostly at work) and let's just say that I would LOVE to jump on the bandwagon in this instance. But my practical side has taken precedence, so instead of recklessly plunging in, I'm planning, planning, planning for the future. I've decided that even though I am an accountant, I hate money. How do people even afford to have children at all, or to buy a house?? It boggles my accountant brain; but underneath the boggled mass I also know that things seem to work out in the long-run, especially when we are doing all we can to help it work out. So instead of facing that financial/secular mountain and focusing on the summit, I should instead focus on reaching one height at a time; the progression.

And that goes for life, too. My mom has always told me that I often wish my life away; as in, always wanting to fast-forward to a future time in my life. And she's partially right, except that I know that if I had my wish and fast-forwarded my life to when I had children...oh, how much learning and joy I would miss in the journey to that particular spot. Thank goodness I had the time I did to grow individually before being married to my wonderful Niklas! I've always felt like a late-bloomer in my life: that I was always behind in some way. And even now, as odd as it is and probably not 100% true, I still feel often that I really don't belong in my generation. I have no other thoughts to compare mine too, but I am always thinking about life, the people in it, how God affects everything, about the future and our children, about my own weaknesses and emotional battles. I also think a lot about money; not because I love it, but how to best utilize and manage it for the future.

For now I am in the present and will continue to enjoy this time I have with just Niklas and I. It is nice to have some time to work out the quirks in your marriage and become more as one instead of constantly fighting against the other because they are not you. :) We have a long way to go...but we have made progress, and as far as I'm concerned, that's what matters as long as it is on-going and doesn't cease.

So for a while yet I will continue to work away at school and work, and bear all the loving-kindness my boss bestows on me through his actions and speech, such as smacking me in the head with a miniature sticky pad and frequently telling me that I am "a freak." ;)