Maybe "Twilight" Freaked It Out...

So I realize that I need to still type about our visit to the Godfrey's and the Powell's here in Rigby. We had a a lot of fun time at both places, in gist. :)

But something happened this morning that kind of scared me, and I'm still not sure what is going on with it. Basically a few months ago while making a visit to the doctor, I was told that I had an irregular heartbeat. To make sure it wasn't anything serious, my heartbeat was assessed via an EKG, I think it was. I was told that I was fine, just had that odd irregular heartbeat. No biggie.

Sometimes during the last several years of my life my heart would feel uncomfortable, actually get painful if I breathed in too deep. I still have no idea why, but it only happened every few months, and I would just sit it out, and then it was fine. The weird thing is these little painful/uncomfortable episodes are a lot more frequent now (multiple times during a given month), and I don't necessarily ever reach the painful part of it---just the uncomfortableness that my heart isn't beating right and that it could become painful any second. They last for a few minutes, or several.

Anyway, last night as I was reading "Twilight" I noticed that my heart was feeling uncomfortable again. It lasted for a long time---even when I went to bed I think it still felt a bit odd. But nothing that 6 hours of sleep won't fix, right? Yeah, let's just say the book was finished mostly last night because it got supsenseful and Niklas had to listen to my gasps of dread as I read the last few chapters, so bedtime was a bit late...

I awoke at 5 a.m. and got up to leave for the gym. My little monthly friend is visiting me, so I also woke up with horrible cramps. Feeling like crud, I did my ab workout and headed to the college gym, continuting my workout by lifting weights. Halfway through my routine I notice that my heart is hurting again---more so than it did last night. Knowing me, you would know that I don't listen to my body extremely well---so I just tried not to put any pressure on my chest and kept lifting. Once done with the weights, I headed over to the treadmill to do my 20-minute run with hills. The fatigue from lifting weights compounded onto the lack-of-sleep fatigue, but I went full speed ahead into running anyway, as always, reading the Epilogue of "Twilight" as I ran. The run felt awful overall---I was looking forward the whole time to the part where I could walk at the end---I knew it would make me feel better. Wrong, of course. During my run my heart started to hurt on the right side more than on the left---it usually always hurts on my left side.

I finally got done with my 20 minutes and began walking; and felt like hurling. I thought, "Okay, just walk for a bit and you'll feel tons better. Just have to walk it out..." Even walking was a chore at that point. I stopped the treadmill and headed to get a towel. Right when my feet hit the gym floor, I felt almost the same way I did when I had donated plasma one time a couple years ago...I almost passed out while my plasma was being taken, and at the time I had never felt that horrible all over my body before. Now, at the gym, I was convinced as I slowly made my way to the towels that if I wasn't red from the run, my face would be stark white right now, because that's how nasty my body felt. I was afraid that I might pass out in the gym in front of all those people, because even my eye sight was starting to get a little blurry. And my little cramp friend that didn't want to work out with me came back once I made it back home (how kind of it).

In brief, I got home and was scared at how horrible I felt and how my heart was hurting like this so often--and I actually started to cry a little as I took my shower. I was contemplating whether something really was and is wrong with my heart or if it was brought on by other factors such as not enough sleep, etc. Maybe both.

I thought I would feel better once I got into the work day but now I am still fighting a headache, and getting up at all and walking around was a chore. I feel really tired, not in the usual way, though. I believe it's from that episode my heart had. Niklas just commented before I left for work that maybe my heart wasn't pumping enough oxygen to my body, and that's why I felt like death at the gym. I have always had bad circulation---with the whole abnormal heart beat thing, it makes a little more sense now.

So my question is, heart problems seem to sorta run in the family---Do I have a heart problem that I am completely unaware of, or is this irregular heartbeat simply a mild case that will never amount to anything seriuos? I guess time will tell. Hopefully. And here I was feeling like the "healthy" one in Niklas' and my relationship! :P

P.S. I realize that I pushed myself too hard and that made things worse today for my body---that's a given. What I'm wondering, however, is if anyone else I know ever has discomfort/slight pain in their chest around their heart on occassion? I think it is something like an arterial clogging on my left side---otherwise, why would it hurt like that randomly? I can be sitting down for hours and all of the sudden it does it.

Childhood Magic

Right now I am sitting on our purple couch wrapped in the purple fleece blanket that I and my now in-laws and husband helped me to make---all nice and comfy. Well, except that Niklas is now a working man and is at Circuit City until 10 p.m., so I'll be here at the apartment to do whatever for a few more hours. I had good intentions to run today, but that didn't happen after all. Niklas and I slept in today (SO nice), and then got to head to a couple of crafty places to just look at some crafty stuff. Niklas started painting some miniatures again lately after getting some new paint, and after he was showing me his great paint jobs, it made me kind of eager to eventually do some more crafty stuff like I used to as a kid. Even cross-stitch, only, there's nothing out there that is that awesome-looking to me. I want to learn something new eventually, so we'll see what happens with that. A pic of some miniatures painted by Niklas (don't think they were recently painted though):

We also bought our Christmas tree a couple days ago! I keep calling it a squatty tree because it is only 4-feet tall. It's so sadly cute for being such a small fake tree! It already has lights on it, which makes it easier. We like real trees the best---but we would rather have a little one for now that we can enjoy for a few years in our little apartment for now. We looked at some Christmas ornaments also, but didn't get any today. I just love this time of year. It makes me want to go around all the stores and see all the Christmas things coming in. I know a lot of people hate this time of year for that exact reason---but Christmas time to me doesn't have a stressful connotation yet; only the magic and reverence.

Speaking of magic, once Niklas left for work a few hours ago I decided I really wanted to read a book, but didn't know which one. I picked up C.S. Lewis' first book from the Narnia Chronicles, "The Magician's Nephew." As soon as I started to read it brought me back to when I was a little girl and loved to be in the great outdoors with my sisters and by myself on occasion. Childhood had magic in it because anything was possible in my imagination, and it affected how I viewed reality. Reading (so far) about two children exploring a tunnel that runs through different houses, and having little hideaways in the attic, and finding a furnished room in an attic where the uncle of one child has magical rings that can transport one to another world was just what I needed right now. It made me remember how exciting it was to explore and learn new things as a kid---to always feel an adventure in the making, no matter how small. My sisters and I always made up stories and played them out, mostly about animals. We definitely had a lot of imagination that didn't go to waste. :)

I forgot about that "magic" in childhood until I picked up this book. Well, I hadn't completely forgotten it, but I had forgotten the actual feeling of that magic. Hope that makes sense---the wonder of a new adventure just beginning. I have only ever read "The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe" out of the Narnia chronicles, and now I look forward to reading the whole series and feel that wonder again about a new, magical world.

Anyway, after reading and feeling so wondrous about it all, I got super sleepy and took a nap---and didn't want to get up. I think I was laying here on this couch for two hours until I finally forced myself to just get up. I have been so tired lately. I know it's the late-to-bed, very-early-to-rise-to-get-to-the-gym-before-work that takes its toll throughout the week and catches up to me on the weekends. Ick.

And by the way, forgot to mention that I was finally able to buy the King's Quest games to play on Niklas' laptop!! We even got a monitor cable so the game screen will show on our TV instead. I started playing "The Perils of Rosella" a couple weeks ago and got up to the whale eating me part; but once I got spit out I realized that I had forgotten to get a fish to give to the pelican on the island. : / I haven't played again since then, but I'll have a desire again eventually. Niklas said he thought it was funny how jumpy I got at those games...but it's just from being a little girl and watching my siblings play them and getting freaked out when they died, or the troll was coming at them in the dark cave... It's just creepy, I can't help it! It doesn't matter if it's not realistic looking---it's the idea of something coming after ME... =: O They also have the Police Quest games and the Space Quest games for sale for the PC; so I want to get those eventually as well, but there's no way I'll want to play them by myself... So Diane, if you get back up here for winter, you'll have to come over on the weekends and play the classics. :) It would be like old times, and fun, and...creepy!

And also to Diane---I changed my settings also on this blog so you should be able to post and not have to verify with those stupid word things that you are human. Thanks for sharing the Frozen Hot Chocolate recipe!! I absolutely LOVED that stuff when Amber got it for us for Christmas one year---it was drinking that that I got my first-ever brain freeze. :P

Well, I'm off for the night. My next adventure is to go clean the bathroom. Yay...but it needs to get done. And OH, forgot to mention---Annie Godfrey emailed me last week and invited Niklas and I over to dinner tomorrow evening. She and Kory are living in Rigby now, so it will be fun to see them and their kids. I'll keep you posted! ;) I think I need to watch "Sabrina" tonight. That sounds like a great idea after the cleaning deal and making some dinner. Have a great night!

Phone Tones

See this phone? It pretty much looks like the one in my office. Unassuming, modest, hardly ever rings to bother me, and collecting dust is one of its hobbies. In short, it is my roommate that I have really no relationship with---I'm much closer to my computer, keyboard, and mouse.

We're looking at what could be my work phone's cousin because it is one of the key players in my little rant right now. What is it about getting on the phone that makes some people feel an urge to be not-so-nice to others? Is it because they can't see your face and just hear this disembodied voice? Do they assume you are just a voice??

And what is it about using your modest work phone to call up a county office in, of all places, Kitsap, to ask a few simple property tax questions and then feel like the county person thinks you're an idiot that has a brick for a brain??

Okay, so it really wasn't that bad. I am still new at my job, still trying to get information for all these companies I keep books for to stay on top of the day-to-day business. I just have never liked it when working people seem like they are annoyed at your very existence because you called them on the phone to ask a few questions---cause isn't that's part of anyone's job? And maybe she didn't mean to sound impatient or slightly condescending/cross---but if not, how can you not recognize how your tone comes across to other people when you are saying with slight inflection in just the right places, "Nooo, they are 2008," etc. etc. etc.? Nothing against her, truly. But I seriously said, "Sheesh...!" outloud once I got off the phone with her, after her very fast hangup when I told her thank you for the info. Must be like those other government jobs...they don't have to be nice to you if they don't want, so they aren't---mostly.

Ahh, gotta love an office job. The good thing is that tonight is ward temple night---seems that I always have a little bit more stressful, etc. day when I am going to the temple in the evening. But the stressful days allow me to appreciate the peacefulness of the temple that much more. :)

Come What May, and Love It

I just read this talk by Joseph B. Wirthlin while I ate my lunch, and it has such great counsel in it. There are a lot of points that I know I can improve on, but the one that especially hit me was learning to laugh. That one is hard for me, I've found out, when something happens to my detriment. For example...

One day I'm in a serious, not-so-fun mood and trying to make myself some stir-fry for dinner. Into the kitchen walks Niklas, who had been doing something or other in the living room---can't really remember because this happened a few months ago when I was still jobless. I think Niklas, being the kind soul that he is, wanted to help me out with what I was doing. On the counter was the famous hot Chili Garlic Sauce that you can get in the Asian portion of any grocery store, and for all I know I could have asked him to open it, as it was brand new and had that foil covering under the lid.

Niklas decided that the best way to break that foil covering was with, no, not a knife---but his forefinger. I looked over just as he was jabbing his finger into the foil covering and next thing I knew there was chili sauce flying everywhere, especially onto me. We'll just say I didn't laugh at that little incident...

But events like these are why I know I need to work on being able to laugh when things unfortunate come to pass, especially if I can laugh at others when something bad happens to them! (I don't laugh if it's something that actually hurts someone. Well, usually not...something about Niklas having a fire extinguisher land on his toe and then falling to the floor in a heap of laughter set me off just a little. :P He was laughing first!)

Anyway, the moral of this post is, Elder Wirthlin's mother said that when adversity, afflictions, or just plain trial-filled times come your way, "Come what may, and love it."