Thoughts

Dear Blog,

I've decided that you are more of a personal journal more than an entertainment blog for others at this point. :) I don't even care if something I post right now is taboo, etc. I am in one of those funks...

It's my dad's birthday today. Happy birthday Dad (again)! But it's got me thinking about time, and how fast it goes the older you get. I'm already having those, "Wow, I'm getting older and that's sort of depressing" thoughts, and I'm not even out of my 20's yet. But why should getting older be so depressing, I ask myself? Is it just because we think being older is no fun? Like life loses its potential for joy and happiness just because are kids are getting older and we are getting wrinkles? I don't know. Maybe it's the fact that we are that much closer to death. But then, why should death be seen so gloomily? It's just the next step. But most of us fear the passage into the somewhat unknown; and maybe that's why it's depressing as we get older.

Despite these gloomy thoughts on my part, I realize that I'm going to be 25 weeks pregnant tomorrow. How awesome is that? I keep thinking about this little girl and wondering who she is. Of course I am looking forward to seeing what she looks like---but who is she? I wish I could start finding that out now, but I'll have to be patient for another 15+ weeks. And even then, she'll only reveal her little personality in time, all through her growing up years.

I am so excited to become a mother, and so freaked out at the same time. I was just telling my mother-in-law this weekend that I am looking forward to having the initial time with baby (the "What the heck am I doing?!" period) ease off and getting into a more familiar routine. Everything is easier to take once you know what it is like and it is familiar. I personally love the familiar. :) I realize I may be asking myself, "What the heck am I doing?!" the rest of my life as a mom. Knowing my tendency to beat myself up with the guilt stick, I'm sure I'll feel like I've fallen short as a parent no matter what I do and don't do. However, despite all that...I want to take on this challenge of raising children. It is one of the noblest callings out there, and gets far too little credit.

Funny now when I think about my time as a kid and how I viewed my parents. As far as I was concerned, they were one team working together as Mom & Dad. Now that I'm at the starting point of having a family, I realize how much I don't feel like a team with Niklas, a.k.a., not agreeing on everything when it comes to how to raise children, etc. However, I'm suspecting no matter what we will end up disagreeing on, our children may still view us as a team with one mind. It must be the children's purity that projects that onto us older and "wiser" adults who know we are still trying to figure things out. ;)

And speaking of being a team... I have this back-burner, slight fear that Niklas and I won't even know each other at the end of our lives when our children are all moved out and it's just us again. No, I'm not trying to borrow trouble; I have just heard about it happening too often to couples who didn't make time for each other. It's hard now just to make a date night, etc. happen, and I'm already feeling the loss of that at times. It's only going to get harder after having children... we need to make it happen no matter how busy we are in life. But, like usual, that's easier said than done. :( I have no solution for this; only that if it is important to both Niklas and I, we'll make it happen. And obviously, it hasn't been important enough so far, and that needs to change.

So there you have it. A sneak peek into my funk. These thoughts are the tip of the iceburg, but that's okay for now. Overall, I am eagerly anticipating having my little girl and having Niklas graduate with his Bachelor's degree. I'm ready for some change, despite my love of the familiar; and man, will I be getting plenty of it over the next year.

Oh, and Niklas' family was here last weekend for my sister-in-law's graduation, and it was a blast. :) I really needed it. And they even threw me a surprise baby shower! It was so nice, and Clara (that's the name we have picked out---Clara Mae) is getting so spoiled already (though my mother-in-law has stated that it's not being spoiled, but LOVED). :)

Take care, blog. Thanks for listening.

Love,

Karen

25 Life Lessons

I'm having alone time right now, and after being on Facebook looking at others' pics, etc., it's made me reflect on life in general and things I've learned (or observed---maybe there is no truth to it :P) over the course of my 27 years...

1. No matter what, bad times will always come in life at one point or another. However, good times will always come in life as well. The struggle in life is appreciating/focusing on the good times and not getting caught up in only the negative times. (I may still be trying to grasp this concept.)
2. Even with the best of intentions in your heart, or trying to choose right, you will always manage to offend, hurt, anger, or upset someone in some way down the road. And depending on who you are, even if you know you intended good instead of evil to another person, you may feel like crap about it the rest of your life.
3. Every marriage is different, and all couples have their brand of arguments/fights; but this doesn't mean that if you are not exactly like so-and-so couple or that if you do argue that your marriage is messed up. However, keep in mind that you can get great marriage advice from other couples who have been there and done that.
4. Men and women are also very different not only physically, but mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. This is a good thing since the genders are equal despite their differences and are meant to complement each other. (Even as frustrating as it is trying to understand the other at times!)
5. More often than not, an individual will be more concerned about being understood than understanding another/others.
6. No matter how good of a person you try to be, someone out there will find fault with you. And you can either find fault with them back, or just keep trying to be the best you can be and move on with your life despite what others may think/say about you.
7. Whether we think this about ourselves or not, we are all hypocrites in a way. Nobody, besides Jesus Christ, has been perfectly consistent with what they say and do. But if we are striving to close that gap between talking the talk and walking the walk, we can't be doing too badly.
8. We all make mistakes, and it totally stinks when we make them, and leads to a lot of regret. However, despite making the mistakes, it's even worse to not learn and grow from those mistakes.
9. Every single person that ever walked, is walking and will walk this earth is unique. We each have something to offer our fellowman in our own way, be it perceived as great or small. Each individual is important and has a mission in life; and each is a child of God.
10. Being truly confident (and mature, I might add) in yourself or your opinion on a subject is apparent when you are able to have a discussion with another of differing views and not get nasty or angry because they don't agree with you. (Still a work in progress for most of us, me included!)
11. Unfortunately, negative remarks from others will almost always take precedence over the positive remarks of others regarding self.
12. Almost all marital arguments will come down to this: Spouse A: "I felt such-and-such way when you said/did/didn't ____ ." Spouse B: "But I didn't mean ____ the way you interpreted, so you shouldn't have taken it that way." Impasse! Who's in the "right?"
13. There are others better than you in a certain skill, etc. across the world. There are also others worse than you in that skill, etc. across the world.
14. Nobody is really entitled to anything in this world---you need to work for what you get. And even if you don't get it, keep working anyway. Everything that can be made even better in this world, whether it be friendship, marriage, a promotion, good grades, etc., takes effort, diligence, and patience.
15. No matter how upset you are during a marital argument, do not leave your house/apartment when it is past 1:00 or 2:00 a.m. to find a thinking spot. For all you know, that thinking spot outside could very well cost you and your spouse a police officer visit and suspicions about domestic violence. (This could be based off of a real story...)
16. Kindness goes a long way. Pass it on. You never know what another person is dealing with in their life at any given time, and your positive (or, unfortunately, negative) interaction could make all the difference.
17. Children are a blessing and a joy---but that doesn't mean they are sunshine, lollipops, and rainbows all of the time, like anything in life.... ;)
18. The bitter times make the sweet times more poignant and savory.
19. Serving others is the best way to feel true happiness when you are down or too self-absorbed with your own problems.
20. Children need both father and mother for guidance, since children are limited in their capacity to understand the world and right from wrong as (hopefully) an adult does. If we as parents don't love, lead, guide, and nurture our children to build good moral characters, who will??
21. Our choices in life define who we are becoming.
22. From Elder Deiter F. Uchtdorf, "Love is spelled T-I-M-E." Life is made up of small, seemingly insignificant moments with loved ones; but many of these small moments build on one another and produce strong relationships between families, friends, and individuals. Each moment is precious and fleeting. Remember what really matters in life and invest your time wisely.
23. While providing a means to action on occasion, worrying is likely only to accomplish two objectives: stressing you out and everyone else around you. (A big improvement area for me.)
24. What really matters in the end is what God thinks of you; not everyone else. (Although this doesn't mean you treat everyone else like dirt 'cause you don't care what they think---God wants you to love others and treat them accordingly.)
25. We are not static beings. People change throughout their lives for better or for worse, and we need to accept that. Life is a fascinating journey of discovering who we are along with our role here in regards to others, finding joy in the process, and always growing.

I realize some of these are very redundant in ways...but I'm still learning! Looking forward to what the next few years of life will bring. I'm sure becoming a mother will be a huge growth spurt for me.